You Own me

One. 

Two. 

Three. 

Three breaths. 

A finger pressed against her chapped lips, yet as it travelled past her tongue, it felt as perilous and cold as a gun reaching down her throat. Twisting her fingers past the saliva, she went deeper as if to grasp her soul and wrench it out of her body. She felt herself gasp for breath – gasp for hope and an end to this grief. 

As her body started to convulse, she felt as if her throat were on fire – igniting all her happiness and burning it into ashes of despair. Quivering uncontrollably, she gagged until the contents spew from her mouth and she vomited into the toilet. The contents weren’t the food she’d consumed, but the hatred. They expect her to be just skin and bones, but they forget that she’s made of flesh and blood too. 

She is not purging herself of food. 

She’s purging herself of the poison conceived by their careless comments and insults. 

She’s purging herself of the negativity that crawls across her skin and bites into her flesh whenever she hears their laughter. 

She’s purging herself of her soul because of how much self-hate they’ve created in her. 

As she stood up to look at her broken self in the mirror, she stood tall and cleansed herself of the tears, saliva, vomit and shame. Once again they’d won. She smiled at herself bleakly while putting on a facade of a confidence and ‘beauty’, yet inside…

Weak. 

Alone.

Ashamed.

Three words. 

You own me. 

You own me.

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